By Request For The Speakeasy Cafe

Here's the piece I read tonight on The Speakeasy Cafe's show. It's featured in the American Music anthology and No Chaser; it's called Free Associations on a Lamentation:

If the death of the heart really is the worst death imaginable– as Oscar suggests, then most of those among us never need to fear. It is impossible to kill what has yet to live. --- If pain is worse than indifference and hearts are meant to remain intact, then by god, we are doing something right. Wearing our suits of armor and living by the sacred credos of Be on your guard! and Trust No One! we’ve done a remarkable job of keeping each other at a distance, which is the best way to keep ourselves unscathed. I suppose we could go pick up that “Mission Accomplished” banner now, but somehow, when I walk down the street, I don’t feel so victorious. All I feel is this dangerous flood of curiosity, and I keep wondering how to find my way to where the people aren’t sleepwalking. I must need a better map, because I sure as hell can’t track them down. Puffed chests, arrogant struts and suits of armor. That’s all I can find. --- Human non-being doesn’t lurk in the shadows, waiting to slit your throat or empty your bank account; it slaps you in the face at every turn. It calls you “bro” and checks out your ass. It tells you your mortgage payment is passed due and laughs too goddamn loud at its own regrettable puns. Watching, waiting for you to join them when you are finally convinced that a five year plan is more important than a moment’s outcry. Ready to say “I told you so” when you stop playing for keeps. --- But we’re better than that. We are ready to leap right into the deep end and try not to drown. We will find ourselves gasping for air, and some of us might not ever make it back to the surface, but there are ways to make sure that frenzied swim to elevated being will be better than staying anchored to the shore and waiting for death to find us safe and sound. --- First of all, try weeping on for size- life is hard! It’s supposed to be. We can handle it. So go, hurt worse than you ever thought possible. You’ve earned it. Let your soul breathe for once. It sure seems like it could use the air. --- Remember that a life truly worth living requires you to dive in head first, crack your skull open a few times and wear your wounds like a badge. A constant reminder that the suffering you are currently experiencing is a direct result of being as alive as you possibly could be. Let that splitting headache play those glorious memories on repeat. Let that throbbing between your ears be the drumbeat that marches you directly into the battlefield of beauty, ready to earn some gashes far deeper than the ones you’ve currently got. --- Your heart won’t really start to live until you rip that son ‘bitch open. So, tear, smash, sob, sound your ever so human yawp. Anything it takes to let the living really begin. --- There’s still a lot to be done, but if it’s true that only a god can save us, then we better find that divinity fast. I hope you’re up to the task. Here’s a quick tip before you start searching: Stop looking at the sky and start looking at the people you surround yourself with. And don’t use your eyes- that’s a fool’s errand. Use your ears, your throat, your spirit. That’s your spelunking kit. --- We can find that which can save us, but only if you want to. So, if none of y’all are interested, we can just stop the music right now and board up the doors to our respective fortresses. But you better put your armor on first, because I can see your soul from here.